Quicksand of Despair

My wandering eyes won’t find a shelter
I was lost in a deep Jungle
There were flowers, trees, fruits and water
But my heart was too busy with itself to mingle

Tread the path in trance, where would I be?

Solitude was shrieking loud within me
And outside the chaos was so calming
The sun over my pale skin shining

A charming ray pierced through my eyes

And I wake up to realize the truth that underlies
He was the one whom I waited for
He was the one whom I longed for

We both were happy in our ways, dreams were slain

Separate paths, then how did we meet again?
A little seed was put to rest deep inside
Then today why our heart refuses to abide

I still remember, every time I passed by him,
we looked at each other
A quick glance, a tender smile
But to say a single word we didn't bother.
Our gaze turned to hi and hello.
Talks were nothing but few and mellow

We came together as destiny wished
Hesitant first but curious within
Grin became a smile
And Smile took us miles

Slowly & gracefully we unwound
A good friend in each other we found
We talked we chatted we shared
Not a single moment did we spare

This time I was clung to it, I was drawn to it

I grew, I blossomed, I was a creeper, I was living through it
Winding it, embracing it, feeling alive each moment
Dreams were woven but, with a silken thin thread

And then the thread ran thin, I slipped,

To my horror, in the warm marshy land
I can’t control myself, please lend me your hand
I tried, I fought, I struggled but I got sucked

I could see you feeling my pain

You went pale, your face drain
But, all you can do is stand and stare
As I quietly disappear in the quicksand of despair

To you, My dearest Son........With love -from Mumma

Ur eyes used to shine and dance to rhymes
Today ur body moves and groves, U mime
U used to hold my finger tight and walk
Today u run, u jump, u dance, u talk

I was moved to tears when you called me "Mumma"
N u put ur dad on cloud 9 as u called him "Paa"
Ur ways made grandparents rekindle their parenthood
We became kids and they recollected our childhood

Ur Apatos Hotetop and Amanoos
Made us forget Octopus, Helicopter and Animals
Ur "Hi,Gu Monnin" brightens up each morning
Ur 'how do u do,hug, I la you'erases all our whining

Which is that lingo you speak in ?
Only I can understand, yes am listening
You played with my neck chain,spoon,lids and jars !
Today you ride bike, you love cars

From gaga goo goos to "come on man"
From bath tub fun to swim pool and tan !
From me feeding you to your own spoon !
From my bedtime stories to your favorite toons !

Now you know ur ABCs and you count 1 to 20s
Such a beautiful past year, Such beautiful memories,
Cheers to your life and our parenthood too !
Today my Son, you are turning TWO !

Does Education dislocate Human Resource?

I believe fundamentally that we make very poor use of our talents. Many people go through their whole lives having no real sense of what their talents may be or if they had any to speak of. I met all kinds of people who don’t think they are really good at anything, or who don’t enjoy what they do. They simply go through their lives getting on with it. They don’t get any pleasure from what they do. They “endure” it rather than enjoy it and wait for the weekend. But I also met people who love what they do and who can’t imagine doing anything else. This is who they are. Education dislocates human resources. Human Resource cannot be found on surfaces, you need to go in search of them, they are buried deep.

Education system is being reformed every moment, but reforming is improving already broken model. (re-form as the word says). Bringing revolution through innovation is what we need and it is hard. Challenging what we take for granted, things that we think are obvious. The main hindrance in bringing about this revolution is the tyranny of common sense as people think there can’t be any other way ‘cos that’s the way its done. Quote by Abraham Lincoln second annual meeting of congress on Dec 1862. I ought to accept that I have no idea what was happening at that timeJ, here goes the quote: “The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion”. I love that. I love the term not “rise to it “but “rise with it”. “as our case is new, so we must “think anew and act anew”, we must disenthrall ourselves and then we shall save our country” I loved the word disenthrall here which means that there are ideas that all of us are enthralled to , which we simply take for granted as the natural order of things , the way the things are. And many of our ideas are used not to cope with the coming century but to cope with the circumstances of previous centuries, but our minds are still hypnotized by them. You know today’s kid doesn’t wear wristwatches not because he choose not to but they don’t have to as for them time is everywhere in this digitized world whereas we had to wear something that told us the time. Its a single function device, right? In today’s multi-tasking life who needs it?

Education today follows “Theory of Linearity” that you start from here and follow this track and if everything works fine you will reach here and set the rest of your life. Life is not linear, so why should our education be one? Humans depend upon not a singular concept of ability but a diversity of talent. A simple example: There is competition for the admission in right kindergarten with kids going for interviews at a mere age of 3! with their resumes and a set of unimpressed panel (teachers) saying “this is it ? ! you’ve been around for 36 months!” Its outrageous but it attracts people, how ironic! The moment you tell you had to undergo interview for your little one for admission, you are highlighted in your group and people start “talking” about it. So, this is just about the competition a child faces once he steps into this world and then later he is molded into what parents and others think “The perfect way to lead a life”. But I think we should not forget that after all it’s about passion; often people are good at things, they don’t really care for. What excites our passion, our spirit our energy and if you were doing the thing that you love to do, that you’re good at, time takes a different course entirely. If you like what u do, 5 hours feel like a minute and vice versa. And this is why so many people opt out of education as it doesn’t feed their spirit, energy or passion. You cannot predict the outcome of human development. But then developmental ways (Education) shouldn’t be predictive either.

Its about Customizing to your circumstances and personalizing to the people whom you are actually teaching. So, when you think your daughter should have studied medicine while she opts for Mass Media and Communication, let her explore, that’s where she belongs, don’t hold her back. And if you do, do not forget “Every year our children lay their dreams beneath our feet, so we should tread softly!

The Virtual Persona

I recently watched a website where they discussed and talked about seeing things in a different light and in a different dimension , and as they challenged, it really opened up my eyes to a whole new world of endless possibilities and viewing things in a different angle. This blog is inspired by one such talk!

Have we ever given a thought of what are we doing when we post our pics to FB or upload a video onto a social networking site say like You Tube? We are creating an online open personal Diary for the whole world to view and peep into ! And if you think , you have put in those privacy settings and locked your profile, let me make you rethink and understand that anything put up on net is never Private ! Someone's watching you all the time.

So what would happen to all those things that we have left behind on the NET, when we leave this world ! Active website turns into Archives. Billions of people on this planet actively use social networking sites. Some profound implications are really worth exploring here.  All of us are creating an archive which is something very different and unique than anything that’s done by our past generations. Considering few stats given below (which I searched on the net)

Youtube : 48 hours of Video uploaded per minute

Twitter : 200 million tweets posted every day
FB : Avg user posts 90 pieces of content per month

Parents grandparents might have as well used the technology for preserving photos, videos or simpler still a diary lying somewhere in the box in one corner. But we have created such an archive using digital technology in this invisible cloud that is definitely going to stay years after we’re gone ! What happens to that personality after you've died? Could it ... live on?

Now you wont believe what I am going to unveil here. There is actually a site called Ifidie.net, a Facebook Application, where in you can leave statuses, videos and messages that will get flashed in your profile after you die ! Creepy as it may sound, that is digital technology for you today !  “Death can catch you anywhere, anytime, Leave your If I die message before its too late” is their Tag line.. how far have we gone to make this big ?

And this is not all, Technology’s ability to understand our statuses and posts and predict about what we might do next is what the scientists are cracking into further. Just observe how Google has narrowed down your search and also predicts and shows you exactly what you want to see while you are searching. You create your profile on Twitter, Facebook, Linkedin, Youtube, Orkut.. that is what you are leaving behind for others to see when you die. They are all the Archives, on which your people will survive further without you !

Your Virtual Persona is much bigger than your actual one, don’t you think? And we are actually living two personalities in our life, an actual one and a virtual one. At times one gets so obsessed by this virtual persona and the virtual life that it starts bothering you , if there have been no comments on your FB post, or no one posted a thumbs up on your picture. And then you realize something more important, and probably, even more sad: that all that time you were obsessed over it, you could have been doing things with your family, or reading, gardening  or drawing, or painting, or ANYTHING.

Well now that’s life for you these days ! You prefer online chatting or scrapping and messaging over direct phone calls , you prefer to upload pics for the whole world to see rather than cherishing it with only a chosen few, you post something that will please others first, next you J . But then you are leaving behind an amazing archive of yourself and your life for your loved ones to cherish forever. Virtual Persona will still continue to live on even after you are gone now that’s something to ponder upon !

The Weight I Carry

Ask me what’s the weight I carry

It’s the half ton school bag underneath I lie bury

The endless syllabus and inhuman finish line

Sky high expectations and I think “parents” –are they mine??

Ask me what’s the weight I carry

Colleges, admissions, Ragging and oh yes, Puberty !

Should I just freak out this life or take it seriously

I’m torn, I’m confused, and they say “think judiciously”

Ask me what’s the weight I carry

No. of degrees, certificates, security, future worry

Cold hands, trembling knees, shivering voice

Trust, faith, promise, integrity, or just being nice

Ask me what’s the weight I carry

New family, new expectations, all I did was marry !

Hurricane emotions, Debris of dreams, yet smiling & bonding life

Yes I was a Bride but now, I am a Wife

Ask me what’s the weight I carry

The seed of future grows in me and I’m weary

My weight on my feet and tied onto my waist

I shall be a mother for life and now I can’t wait

Ask me what’s the weight I carry

Life, kids, job, family, I gave it all and now I’m dreary

My little one said “Life is this, Life is that, what do You understand?”

I nurtured him in my arms; I look so small now and taller does he stand  !

Ask me what’s the weight I carry

Wrinkles, sleepless nights, doctor visits, I worry

I’m Retired , wondering into space I lay

I’m getting ready, my grandchildren are on their way

I carried weight on my shoulders and walked a mile

The line on my forehead seldom got affected by my smile

Straining longing eyes, dragging heavy feet, I shouldn’t be late

In my heart too I carried an unknown weight

Holding her tiny finger in mine, I’m overjoyed,

To whom the weight had belonged, now I realized

I think its long due that I stop, connect and engulf

To a person I have lost touch with --- Myself !

Desert Love

I felt the warm soft sand beneath my feet
Thro’ the day till the moon we would meet
My face glowed with a sunny shine
I was his and he was mine
Life was a spring, it bloomed it blossomed
He gave me a ring, it shone, it shimmered
Cherish able present, memorable past and a dreamy future
We were happy, content and ready to nurture

That day, even the sun got eclipsed, the clouds cried

He was a Martyr, they said he died
We were one, we were engaged, and ahead lied a celebration
And now he was gone, far away, serving his nation

But I know he is there, my heart tells me

I know he will come and I shall wait for thee                                                     
I keep waiting, my eyes dried up now
He said, he will come, it was a vow
I blink and blink, not a drop of tear
I stare and stare but no one out there

The sun gave up now, the moon gave light
Parched soul waiting only for his last sight
The wind was playing along with me
It grew wild and all I could see     
Was a faint horizon, a shadow, did he pass by?
Dust clogged lashes, my breath was a sigh

It was a storm now, and my feet were buried deep in sand

Body wriggling with pain, now its weak, I’ve lost my mind
I knew it was near, I knew I was there, and it grope
One last look, one last thought, one last hope
I kept on searching but it had embraced me,
I struggled, I pushed, against the storm as strong as i can be
He wasn't there and finally I embraced it, closed my eyes
There was an eternal silence, we hushed are last goodbyes

There was an infinite darkness

And at last I found happiness
My soul rose to an eternal bliss
He was waiting for me here, I should have realized this

We became one, swinging in his arms, my eyes glistered
Suddenly a tear rolled over my cheek, I smiled,
My love, did it have to happen like this??
He said “I missed you” and our souls rest in peace

Happiness- My way

Note: This post is not about any place or some general topic, it’s just personal experience which is being shared with the audience

Now as a mother of a toddler boy I might have done million and zillion things in this world for the sake of putting just a single morsel of food in his mouth. Needless to say I have checked out all the available sites online to come out with various ways to feed him. But, looks like kids have this internal mechanism to somehow counterattack all our strategies and smoothly escape the spoon !  And if anything gets in their mouth.. spitting and puking works 100% , doesn’t it? Anyways won’t give you an insight of what all homework I do before I feed him cos all mothers have same story and all would-be mothers too have one, someday ;)

Now, daily I need to put this big list of my son’s favorite rhymes on youtube for him to finish food that too with same rhymes in all its versions!! Pheww!!! With him yelling and dancing and jumping and me struggling with typing, searching and feeding , it’s a super duper workout. So amidst all this chaos, what if the mother wants to have some fun too! I am a huge lover of music and love old hindi songs like crazy, so thought why not for a change do a little twist here and get what I want ;)

So now, Yankee Doodle was replaced by Maang ke saath tumhara(remember the horse beats there), Clap your hands was replaced with Ude jab jab julfen teri(so many claps in that song), Oh look at the moon was replaced by Woh chaand khila woh taare hasen (Twinkle twinkle little stars covered too ) ;), Row row row your boat replaced by Yeh chaand sa roshan chehra etc etc.. I somehow got a hang of relating it to his rhymes so well that I had a lovely roller coaster ride of B&W songs with Mohd Rafi and Asha Bhosale and the likes. And my son, he was so awestruck and excited that he finished eating in no time !

Ah ! We, the women of this century rock , don’t we? ;) In short find your space and happiness in any possible way.. just have your brains unlocked and opened every now and then !

Visit to Stanford University and Travel by Old Steam Engine train

It is now becoming impossible to put into words what unfolds each day in this wondrous city. I sit down at my desk and ruminate where and how one should start. I make mental notes throughout the day and each hour I feel the need to start again because the events that follow have overtaken those that went by. Last month was fun, esp because it was not meant only for my son but also for his parents! We had been to Stanford University visit and also to Roaring Camp in the 1880 Steam Engine Trip for one hour in the Redwood forest. It was an amazing experience sitting in the train and wondering “Was this the speed at which it traveled back then?”. Very funny.. I come from Mumbai and train is my second home so I was there smiling all by myself mentally comparing the “Trains”. The journey started by first filling up gallons of water in the engine and lots of hooting and whistling and ringing of a big bell. Kids were little scared if not surprised to see all this, but, we truly loved and enjoyed it. The conductor alias ticket checker was dressed up in 1880s style. The travel just made us feel so 1880s , the look , the actual train, the gears they used, the woods , the forest ..amazing !

Next day we went to Stanford University! We visited the Cantor Arts Centre wherein the sculptures made by Auguste Rodin were put up. What an exemplary art indeed! Bronze statues by Auguste Rodin are scattered throughout the campus, including the “Burghers of Calais.” Located between San Francisco and San Jose in the heart of Silicon Valley, The Leland Stanford Junior University commonly referred to as Stanford University is one of the world’s leading research and teaching institutions. Leland and Jane Stanford founded the University to "promote the public welfare by exercising an influence on behalf of humanity and civilization." Stanford opened its doors in 1891, and more than a century later, it remains dedicated to finding solutions to the great challenges of the day and to preparing students for leadership in this complex world. Leland had founded this university in honor of his son Leland Stanford Jr. who died of typhoid 2 months before his 16^th birthday! In 1906 earthquake many parts of its library and other historical artifacts got damaged, but since then it has been well preserved and cherished in the campus of 8, 180 acre land! A massive expansion of the campus containing various houses of math, language,physics, science, research etc.. It also has a Memorial Church founded by Jane Stanford and its so beautiful. Large landscapes adorned with palm trees and flowers and lovely kids playing all around. It was splendid.  Students were seen largely using bikes to get around the large campus. Felt as if I should have studied here :D Out and out a wonderful campus..would like to revisit some day !

Below I have put up few pictures for you guys have a look:
1. Train Front side  2. Train's body (estd 1880)  3. Bret Harte Hall (Meeting hall estd 1880)  4. Train over the 1880 bridge !!  5. The famous "three men" of Auguste Rodin  6. An original picture of Stanford's family in spring   7. A small portion of 8,180 acres campus
8. The Memorial church

Celebrating Together

Warm wishes to all my readers on the occasion of Baisakhi ! Belated Happy Gudi Padwa/ Ugaadi too ! In this diverse and unique country named India, in this largest democracy of the world, in this land with almost 22 prominent languages and around 10 practicing and vibrant religions, we welcome the celebration of each festival with equal fervor and dignity of all. May all your troubles be behind you, may there be the joy and enthusiasm of the fresh harvest, may the advent of the summer be of value and may peace togetherness and love prevail ever!!

Some divine justice seems to have been working in the timing of all these events and religious sentiments. I am certain that in other parts of the world too there must be certain rituals for this time of the year. This homogenous attribute is the legacy of the human race, a race that was created to be one and to be together. But, we have been separated on the grounds of caste, creed, religion, colour!  And look how desperately we still seek each other to remain together and one, and on discovering our own attributes find that in the truest sense the distance was never too large to traverse, or the boundary too large to cross. I marvel at the compassion that we bear towards each other here on this platform. I marvel at the concern, affection and care that we extend to those whom we hardly know. I marvel how individuals unknown become known. This is true comradeship and no, not in the communistic manner, but in its desire for holding and bearing for the other. This is remarkable and why am I speaking about all this is because even after flying seven seas and coming this far from my home country, I still feel at home and how, by the kind of warmth shown by people here, the kind of communication we have with our loved ones , friends and family worldwide. Its human nature to stay in a colony and not in isolation and we do it every time unknowingly and stick to each other as one.

Unity in India can definitely be seen sky rocketing during “Cricket Matches” ! Well I don’t literally mean rockets being burst in the sky in jubilant mood after winning matches, but the kind of emotion it brings through when we win! We get serious when the players are serious, we play with them, we strategize with them, we abuse commercial ads, we reiterate the “commentators”, well we act as commentators too ! We plan our day in such a way that we just don’t seem to have any calls, hindrances during the match. And the best part, nature calls are also attended as per our wish and not nature’s wish ;). Offices arrange for a Big Screen display with snacks and refreshments, reason: employee turnout on the day of matches should not be zero! And then if it’s an Indo Pak match , I better not write anything further.. history says it all ! Now, when MSD hit that 6 and brought home the cup , did we really think who all are with us while we yelled with moist eyes, did we think person beside us is a friend , foe, scheduled caste, different religion follower etc. No we were not at all bothered by all such crap.  So why does it bother us at other times? Wont try to debate this over and the topic of discussion will not divert itself from the victory of World Cup. But with IPL going on ..this is such a bizarre situation. How soon sentiments shift from national to personal teams, from rooting for those they wanted to win, now against them. Rivals for last month, team mates for the next!  And though the streets are no longer jammed with enthusiastic revelry, the minds are, the joyous mood retains its vigor. God bless them, their effort and the effort of the entire team. And God bless India. 11 Indians have invigorated an entire nation of almost a billion and half, and perhaps, why perhaps, definitely in other parts of the world too with their dedication.

A prominent author and thinker on a public platform admitted that sport and film were the two most fertile ingredients in bringing this nation together. Nothing could be truer. They always were and shall always be, a unifier !

What’s your Age?

Taking a line from my previous blog “We humans never realize the importance of things in life till we loose them..” One of which is age. Every one of us have got an age stuck up in our minds, like say I am still 22 years in my mind… (Don’t believe it?? give it a proper thought and you will arrive at your correct mind-age—now that’s what I call it). The feeling of nearing 30 has still not sunk in! Reason? 22 was an age of self-discovery, maturity, individuality, independence, self-confidence, beauty, freedom. Everything was colourful, each day was vibrant, full of surprises, every time a person of opposite sex looked at you .. there was a mushy blushy smile on your face. Everything looked possible then, everything was challenging because that was an age when I had graduated and started off working in ICICI Bank. Life was full of “Hanging out with friends for coffee, Team Lunches, Surprise Birthday Parties, Train friends, Timelines, Presentations, Projects, Training, Work Pressures, Late night working , Abusing Bosses and above all this Pay Cheque !”

Life didn’t stop at that and it moved on, there were lot of good and bad things in my life since then and before too, but then somehow I loved it when I was 22 ! So there, I am stuck in that age forever!  I never wanted to believe that girl’s life changes completely after marriage. I wanted and was determined to keep it just the way it was before. I was successful till my son’s arrival. After his birth, my life has taken a 360 degree turn! Which mother won’t agree with me? Amidst all those night shifts, changing diapers and other baby woes, the best part was that I had an opportunity to visit my childhood once again J. To behave like a kid, to think like a kid, to act like a kid was just wonderful. How much fun they have in simple things in life, that’s what we learn from them. They see what they want to see, they hear what they want to hear and they do what they want to do ! Why not apply same theory to our age and say “I am as old as I think”… My motto: Age gracefully

I do not mind getting older but, I do not want to get old..  I loved badminton and used to play it a lot during school and early college days. I plan to rekindle my love for it. As long as I can still be a kid from time to time and do things for myself, I will be happy J.

Must have happened with you all too.. or maybe you just never realized that…So let me know which age are you stuck on?

And now you all feedback and comments, what are doing lazying around in my readers’ minds, come on, pop out from there and see yourself on my blog !

My First Blog - Start Off Something New

Hey all, this is my first blog.  As the title states, I am trying my hand at blogging. Why?, because I always get a feeling (all through these years )that when I speak, people turn into listeners. Well , don’t take me as condescending   here just that I am starting off with a confidence ! I love English and have a very bad habit of using heavy words now and then but, I have decided to keep my blog in as simple terms as possible . I plan to reflect my views and thought process based on daily experiences. I have been planning on this for like eternity now and am happy to finally see something posted.

We all want to “start off” with “something” all the time, but somehow don’t end up doing it ! I am no exception either. After shifting to US and staying in such a “sunny” place I have got an urge to wear lovely outfits available here, to the beachside, which girl wont feel like it J Now, blessed with a proper nice rounded Indian figure, I definitely looked as odd woman out among these pencil thin toned firangis . Result- it gave birth to my most awaited n longing desire to go to Gym. Now this thought has taken more than 2 years from conception to actual implementation.. (Staying in silicon valley does show traits in my writing too I guess :P, I am using project life cycle terms ). So how many of us, have gone through the same problem. One fine day we find our favourite pair of jeans don’t fit us and we decide “ Tomorrow is the day, I am gonna hit the gym”  well this is said to our self before hitting the bed which gets continued for a little bit longer say a day or two, umm week,  month, or worst an year. I am gonna stop eating sweets, I am gonna watch what I eat , I am gonna study regularly from today, I will watch my time schedule and leave office on time, I am gonna start my hobby today  …so on and so forth

At times these self projects get self decided target dates to start off… like New year---famously called as resolutions ,which are still honoured when broken.. how ironic . Or say some hindu festival like Ugadi/Padwa, Diwali etc. Its human nature to procrastinate as much as possible. Nothing wrong in it.  We humans never realize the importance of things in life till we lose them.. in my case it was “Me time” and “health” After becoming a mother, my whole life is devoted only for my LO(hubby comes next). So much that my LO cant stay without me for more than an hour …now this had to be broken somewhere and I had to get my personal time.. I hit the gym today and that one hour was like a total mental spa for me. I came out with a super duper workout glow on face, adrenaline rushing to all veins , the feeling that left me wondering: oh these veins ARE exsiting still. The walk back home was accompanied by a mild smile throughout ! What a simple 1 hour of exercise can do to you- Mentally, Emotionally and Physically !!

I think the problem here is only of “starting off” . The moment we begin something new, there are very high chances that we will follow it regularly. And that’s what I did today… Gymming and Blogging ! So I wud like to urge all you people to start off doing what has been lingering in your minds forever now ! And I bet finally, this is something which is “easier done than said” because you love doing it and you always wanted to do it. So get up and start off with that and let me know what it was…would love to get your feedback (on everything and anything)

Well incidently its Ram Navami today so lets say, good things started off on good day J

Look out for my next blog…Take care