The Weight I Carry

Ask me what’s the weight I carry

It’s the half ton school bag underneath I lie bury

The endless syllabus and inhuman finish line

Sky high expectations and I think “parents” –are they mine??

Ask me what’s the weight I carry

Colleges, admissions, Ragging and oh yes, Puberty !

Should I just freak out this life or take it seriously

I’m torn, I’m confused, and they say “think judiciously”

Ask me what’s the weight I carry

No. of degrees, certificates, security, future worry

Cold hands, trembling knees, shivering voice

Trust, faith, promise, integrity, or just being nice

Ask me what’s the weight I carry

New family, new expectations, all I did was marry !

Hurricane emotions, Debris of dreams, yet smiling & bonding life

Yes I was a Bride but now, I am a Wife

Ask me what’s the weight I carry

The seed of future grows in me and I’m weary

My weight on my feet and tied onto my waist

I shall be a mother for life and now I can’t wait

Ask me what’s the weight I carry

Life, kids, job, family, I gave it all and now I’m dreary

My little one said “Life is this, Life is that, what do You understand?”

I nurtured him in my arms; I look so small now and taller does he stand  !

Ask me what’s the weight I carry

Wrinkles, sleepless nights, doctor visits, I worry

I’m Retired , wondering into space I lay

I’m getting ready, my grandchildren are on their way

I carried weight on my shoulders and walked a mile

The line on my forehead seldom got affected by my smile

Straining longing eyes, dragging heavy feet, I shouldn’t be late

In my heart too I carried an unknown weight

Holding her tiny finger in mine, I’m overjoyed,

To whom the weight had belonged, now I realized

I think its long due that I stop, connect and engulf

To a person I have lost touch with --- Myself !

Desert Love

I felt the warm soft sand beneath my feet
Thro’ the day till the moon we would meet
My face glowed with a sunny shine
I was his and he was mine
Life was a spring, it bloomed it blossomed
He gave me a ring, it shone, it shimmered
Cherish able present, memorable past and a dreamy future
We were happy, content and ready to nurture

That day, even the sun got eclipsed, the clouds cried

He was a Martyr, they said he died
We were one, we were engaged, and ahead lied a celebration
And now he was gone, far away, serving his nation

But I know he is there, my heart tells me

I know he will come and I shall wait for thee                                                     
I keep waiting, my eyes dried up now
He said, he will come, it was a vow
I blink and blink, not a drop of tear
I stare and stare but no one out there

The sun gave up now, the moon gave light
Parched soul waiting only for his last sight
The wind was playing along with me
It grew wild and all I could see     
Was a faint horizon, a shadow, did he pass by?
Dust clogged lashes, my breath was a sigh

It was a storm now, and my feet were buried deep in sand

Body wriggling with pain, now its weak, I’ve lost my mind
I knew it was near, I knew I was there, and it grope
One last look, one last thought, one last hope
I kept on searching but it had embraced me,
I struggled, I pushed, against the storm as strong as i can be
He wasn't there and finally I embraced it, closed my eyes
There was an eternal silence, we hushed are last goodbyes

There was an infinite darkness

And at last I found happiness
My soul rose to an eternal bliss
He was waiting for me here, I should have realized this

We became one, swinging in his arms, my eyes glistered
Suddenly a tear rolled over my cheek, I smiled,
My love, did it have to happen like this??
He said “I missed you” and our souls rest in peace

Happiness- My way

Note: This post is not about any place or some general topic, it’s just personal experience which is being shared with the audience

Now as a mother of a toddler boy I might have done million and zillion things in this world for the sake of putting just a single morsel of food in his mouth. Needless to say I have checked out all the available sites online to come out with various ways to feed him. But, looks like kids have this internal mechanism to somehow counterattack all our strategies and smoothly escape the spoon !  And if anything gets in their mouth.. spitting and puking works 100% , doesn’t it? Anyways won’t give you an insight of what all homework I do before I feed him cos all mothers have same story and all would-be mothers too have one, someday ;)

Now, daily I need to put this big list of my son’s favorite rhymes on youtube for him to finish food that too with same rhymes in all its versions!! Pheww!!! With him yelling and dancing and jumping and me struggling with typing, searching and feeding , it’s a super duper workout. So amidst all this chaos, what if the mother wants to have some fun too! I am a huge lover of music and love old hindi songs like crazy, so thought why not for a change do a little twist here and get what I want ;)

So now, Yankee Doodle was replaced by Maang ke saath tumhara(remember the horse beats there), Clap your hands was replaced with Ude jab jab julfen teri(so many claps in that song), Oh look at the moon was replaced by Woh chaand khila woh taare hasen (Twinkle twinkle little stars covered too ) ;), Row row row your boat replaced by Yeh chaand sa roshan chehra etc etc.. I somehow got a hang of relating it to his rhymes so well that I had a lovely roller coaster ride of B&W songs with Mohd Rafi and Asha Bhosale and the likes. And my son, he was so awestruck and excited that he finished eating in no time !

Ah ! We, the women of this century rock , don’t we? ;) In short find your space and happiness in any possible way.. just have your brains unlocked and opened every now and then !

Visit to Stanford University and Travel by Old Steam Engine train

It is now becoming impossible to put into words what unfolds each day in this wondrous city. I sit down at my desk and ruminate where and how one should start. I make mental notes throughout the day and each hour I feel the need to start again because the events that follow have overtaken those that went by. Last month was fun, esp because it was not meant only for my son but also for his parents! We had been to Stanford University visit and also to Roaring Camp in the 1880 Steam Engine Trip for one hour in the Redwood forest. It was an amazing experience sitting in the train and wondering “Was this the speed at which it traveled back then?”. Very funny.. I come from Mumbai and train is my second home so I was there smiling all by myself mentally comparing the “Trains”. The journey started by first filling up gallons of water in the engine and lots of hooting and whistling and ringing of a big bell. Kids were little scared if not surprised to see all this, but, we truly loved and enjoyed it. The conductor alias ticket checker was dressed up in 1880s style. The travel just made us feel so 1880s , the look , the actual train, the gears they used, the woods , the forest ..amazing !

Next day we went to Stanford University! We visited the Cantor Arts Centre wherein the sculptures made by Auguste Rodin were put up. What an exemplary art indeed! Bronze statues by Auguste Rodin are scattered throughout the campus, including the “Burghers of Calais.” Located between San Francisco and San Jose in the heart of Silicon Valley, The Leland Stanford Junior University commonly referred to as Stanford University is one of the world’s leading research and teaching institutions. Leland and Jane Stanford founded the University to "promote the public welfare by exercising an influence on behalf of humanity and civilization." Stanford opened its doors in 1891, and more than a century later, it remains dedicated to finding solutions to the great challenges of the day and to preparing students for leadership in this complex world. Leland had founded this university in honor of his son Leland Stanford Jr. who died of typhoid 2 months before his 16^th birthday! In 1906 earthquake many parts of its library and other historical artifacts got damaged, but since then it has been well preserved and cherished in the campus of 8, 180 acre land! A massive expansion of the campus containing various houses of math, language,physics, science, research etc.. It also has a Memorial Church founded by Jane Stanford and its so beautiful. Large landscapes adorned with palm trees and flowers and lovely kids playing all around. It was splendid.  Students were seen largely using bikes to get around the large campus. Felt as if I should have studied here :D Out and out a wonderful campus..would like to revisit some day !

Below I have put up few pictures for you guys have a look:
1. Train Front side  2. Train's body (estd 1880)  3. Bret Harte Hall (Meeting hall estd 1880)  4. Train over the 1880 bridge !!  5. The famous "three men" of Auguste Rodin  6. An original picture of Stanford's family in spring   7. A small portion of 8,180 acres campus
8. The Memorial church